On “The current state of body positivity focuses on self-love without acknowledging that it’s much easier for some individuals than others, disregarding the intersection of race, gender, body politics, sexual orientation and ability status. I would argue that body positivity isn’t just about loving your body. It should be about demanding justice for all bodies, especially the most marginalized.” — Chrissy King
editor’s note: At Iron Lion Training, we honour everyone’s physical and psychological fitness journey. This blog describes the personal journey of one of our awesome members. Remember, your own journey may well be different, and that’s ok.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve hated my body. I don’t use the word “hate” lightly. I dislike mirrors, and aside from daily routines such as shaving and preparing to go out, I avoid them for the most part.
Three and a half years ago, before working out at the gym became an integral part of my life, I was in the worst shape ever. My attitude toward my body could only be described as one of disgust.
I don’t regard this exactly as self-hatred. My hatred was directed solely toward my physical form. I quite liked the person that I was — just not the body I was in.
Finding a gym, and working regularly with a personal trainer, has been life-changing for me. I’d worked out on my own on-and-off over the years, but there was never anything to keep me on track and keep me in the habit. I’d do it for half a year, and then abandon it for a few years. The obligation to show up regularly (because a trainer was waiting for me) was the incentive I needed to stick to it. In three and a half years of consistent workouts, I’ve transformed the shape of my body, and am healthier and more fit than I have ever been as an adult. Sure, I’m still carrying body fat, but for me, I’m ecstatic about my progress!
That said, a vacation to Cuba just pre-pandemic put my body-image issues to the test. I love tropical beaches, and fully intended to make the most of the week. For the first time in five years, I was going to be in a bathing suit. I’d been to a couple of Lake Ontario beaches in the summer, but the shirt always stayed on, and the most I’d done was put my feet in the water. This was a huge deal for me. I tried on all my bathing suits and packed my favourites.
I hit the beach in Varadero, and found that the self-consciousness over my body was a non-issue. The water was gorgeous and I was at the beach every day. Emerging from the water the first time, I felt like Daniel Craig as James Bond in the beach scene from the movie Casino Royale! I have no delusions that I looked anything like him; what I felt I did share was his confidence and nonchalance. I was pretty much at ease wearing nothing but swim trunks, in front of a crowd of strangers! I’m learning to be happy with my appearance, and to dismiss the worries about how I appear to others. This, to me, is body positivity.
It’s important to underscore how significant this change in attitude has been for me.
Two things in particular had a formative impact on my body image. First, the undiscussed dilemma facing boys/men with regard to simply removing their shirts in public. From junior high school, we were expected to take off our shirts while playing sports like football and basketball. This was in order to easily differentiate between the two teams (shirts and skins). Even in their early teens, there are boys who look athletic shirtless, while those who are skinny, or fat, are open to ridicule. The unstated implication is that making a fuss over going shirtless puts one’s manhood into question. At the same time, mass media tells us we are not valued if we are not physically perfect. It was only a few years ago that I became aware of this trap: while pretending it’s not a big deal, we must conform to an unfair and unrealistic pressure.
The second reason that learning to be at ease with my body is so significant has to do with body types in the gay community. There is an entire subculture of gay men attracted to fat men — and often specifically men with big bellies. But before anyone gets the idea that just any gay man can gain fat without concern, it becomes quickly apparent that there is a very certain *type* of fat look in gay subculture that is admired and sought-after. Specifically: firm, round, and often hairy bellies are very much desired, while a flabby, shapeless, hairless belly is much less so. Race is also a factor, as the vast majority of images of men with this body type, basking in the adoration of crowds of gay men, are white.
So the journey to body positivity has required me to navigate mass media pressure to be perfect, societal oppression and double-standards, and even racism.
An acquaintance of mine posted a scathing comment on social media about shallow gay men and their take on body positivity. He was critical of men who post announcements about body positivity — but only *after* they have transformed their bodies, losing a tonne of weight and achieving fitness model physiques. It’s an important observation, and not limited to the gay community. Jumping on the body positivity bandwagon is trendy right now. But the hypocrisy in remaining silent until the very need for body positivity no longer applies to you, sends the wrong message to anyone who is continuing to struggle with body acceptance. It’s damaging. The message being sent by some people is: “Love yourself unconditionally, but I’m going to transform myself so I no longer look like you”.
It is here that I try to find a happy medium. I’ve always been a perfectionist, and my quest for a perfect body has deep roots. I had a childhood awareness of men’s bodies which existed well before mass media decided men should be subjected to the same pressure to be perfect that women face. In striving to embrace body positivity, I have stopped mentally expecting/demanding perfection in other men. Knowing their struggle, I simply wish them the happiness I’ve found. I am still working to better myself physically, but at the same time accepting my body in its current state, and loving myself regardless.
I am committed to working hard and pushing myself in the gym partly because of my age. I didn’t want to die of a heart attack before I reached 60; now 59, I realize there’s no guarantee that won’t still happen, but my level of fitness is such that I no longer suffer daily anxiety about my physical health.
On the appearance side, I am much happier with what I see in the mirror, although the Zoom camera can still be harsh! I’ve seen myriad memes, mottos, and other educational messages urging men not to build up their body with the expectation that it will solve their problems and fulfill dreams (especially of finding romance). For me, the focus on improving my body works because *I* am the only person I am aiming to please.
Body positivity cannot be simplified down to a single meme, rule, or generalization. It is different things to different people. For me, it may continue to evolve or it may not. That is my own struggle to work through. For now, though, I am happy with my body, and am able to accept it with its faults and imperfections in a way I never imagined I ever would. That may be the best I can do.
Tagged with: body-positive, deadlift, deadlifting, fitness, ironlion, IronLionTraining, powerlifting, self confidence, strength
